What I learned

I have observed quit a bit this summer working at a public pool. I thought I'd share some of the wisdom I have acquired these past few months. Let me just say that I don't mean to offend anyone if you do any of these things.

- Never under any circumstance wear a skin colored swimming suit. Let me be a little more specific. If you are Black, don't wear a black swimming suit. If you are pasty white, don't wear a pasty white swimming suit. If you are tan, don't wear a nude colored swimming suit. It just makes you look ridiculous. Every one is constantly turning there head to double check if you are wearing clothes or not. It makes you look naked. What gives it away to people that you are in fact NOT naked is that you don't have nipples. Close call!! You may be thinking that your swimming suit isn't that close to your skin color. . . double check. Make sure it's at least 4-5 shades difference and try to have some sort of design on it.

- Don't wear or let your kids wear a swimming suit that don't fit them. Saggy butt swimming suits are not cute. And more often than not they are see through. siiiiiiiiiick.

- No one, seriously, no one wants to see you make out with someone else in the pool. I don't care how old, young, good looking or what not you are. Go home. Or to a car. or. . . to a hotel. I don't care. Just not in or around the pool. Thanks.

- I don't want to shock anyone so make sure you are sitting down. Ready?? Life guards are in fact alive. GASP! If you and telling a few of your bffs that you are having an affair (while I watch your kids drowned because you are to pre occupied with your conversation to watch them) make sure your not around a life guard. Actually, I take that back. I hear some awesome stuff. Keep up the good work. It's entertaining. Just thought I'd give you a heads up that we do hear things.

-This one will offend some people. But hear me out. I have pretty decent reasoning. Don't put your little kids in bikinis. I'm talking age 1-14 ish. I don't give a rats if an older teenager or adult is in one but little kids?? Ok, now here is why. Pedophiles. Do you even realise how many are out there. Grow men or even women that more often than not look pretty harmless. Sometimes you just don't know. If you live in a place where you think that your kids are safe. I've got news for you. . . YOUR NOT! We had the chief of police come talk to us about this exact thing. In Provo city! Public swimming pools are at the top of the list of places pedophiles like to hang out. They just sit there are stare at kids. It may be cute to you that your kids are in a little flowery bikini but let your kid have the choice or not. Like when they are older. The other reason why I say not to put them in a bikini is because they don't have boobs. So it doesn't keep the suit where it is suppose to be so it moves around a lot. I see dozens of little kids walking around with the swimming suit at there neck and there nipples out. I don't think anything of it and MOST people don't either but for pete sake not all people are pure minded. I know that was an intense one to talk about but there is my prospective on it.

-Now I am on to Covering up too much at the pool. Listen up y'all! You're at a swimming pool!! Why are you wearing knee length shorts and t-shirts! It's heavy for one. For two it's not covering up as much as you think. You see, it gets wet and then gets skin tight to your bod and shows EVERYTHING anyway. But then you just look goofy. If it's because your worried you'll get burnt. Put on some sun screen. If it's because you feel self conscious, those wet, baggy clothes aren't hiding a thing!

-I suggest you watch your kids. I don't mean pretend your watching them while you text or eat or tell some other moms that your having an affair or that your husband doesn't make enough money for you. Like actual parenting. Let me give you some example: If your standing right next to your 1 1/2 year old that is walking into 3 feet of water and you think she/he is fine so you decide to stare at the clouds or talk to someone. Then the lifeguard (me) See's them fall and aren't able to sturdy them selves back up so while they're touching your leg they are also drowned so I have to run over there and grab them while your right next to them. It's a little silly if you ask me. That poor scared little kid. A slip up every once in a while is totally understandable. But if it happens 2 or even 3 times on a 4 hour period you need to get a nanny and be a little more grateful that you are fertile enough to have kids.

I could go on and on but I won't. Maybe later but not right now. (you lucky ducks you). And just a suggestion, when a lifeguard saves your kid maybe say thanks to them. Not glare at them. Yes it's my job but if you have a kid that can't swim you really should be the one watching them .